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After hours of frustration trying to get my drain unclogged, I finally broke down and called a plumber. Upon arriving, he asked where the problem pipe was located. I took him to the bathroom and, pointing to the open doors under the sink, I said, "There's your challenge, right there."
He spent a few moments surveying the situation and then took from his toolbox a simple pair of pliers and gently tapped the entire length of the curvy piping. After just a few minutes of inspection, he wrapped his pliers with a bright red bandana he took from one of the many pockets in his tattered blue overalls. With precise aim, he drew back and struck the pipe about halfway between the bottom of the basin and the point where the piping disappeared into the wall.
It worked! The water flowed freely and all was right with the world. The entire visit lasted a mere five minutes. The plumber wrote on the invoice the following words: "House call . . . FREE; Knowing What to Do (Where to Hit the Pipe) . . . $75.00.
But knowing what and where is not enough. The noted comedian, George Burns, was said to have interrupted a person who was not quite finished asking, "What is the key to comedy?" with his answer: "Timing!" In addition to what and where, you must also know when.
There is such a thing as "putting the cart before the horse:" you wind up having to pull a load you wouldn't have had to were you to have done things in the proper sequence and at the right time. You cannot hope to reap without having sown or to acquire wisdom and solid character without making the daily choices to discipline your baser instincts.
Wisdom comes from understanding what you should be doing with your time. . . right now wherever you are. Getting to the place where your knowledge, skills and experience position you to "move the needle" and succeed faster is the essence of living in peaceful abundance. When you know you know you can make things happen, you become equipped with the power you need to achieve what you want. Furthermore, what you want becomes shaped by what you know you can accomplish rather than merely hoping for something you doubt that you can achieve.
This, indeed, is a peaceful – and powerful – life that emerges from finding your better Self.
The Russian psychologist, Bluma Zeigarnit discovered a concept, appropriately named, “the Zeigarnik effect,” that refers to the phenomenon whereby the recall ratio for tasks interrupted at the middle or latter end of task completion is higher than for tasks interrupted at or near the beginning.
In other words, what you start but don’t finish weighs more heavily on your mind the closer you were to finishing the task when you quit trying. This is the area of memory that constitutes the soul-sighing sadness of regret.
There is an old story of the 49er who dug and dug for months and months looking for the deep and rich vein of gold he adamantly believed was just beyond every swing of his pick. Yet, as strong as his belief was, he finally gave up and left the mine. The next week he learned that another miner who had gone in after he had abandoned his shaft had discovered a thick stratum of gold the likes of which had never been before unearthed. The old 49er was literally just inches from his riches.
There is a Chinese proverb that says, “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.” Former Presidential candidate, Ross Perot, a self-made billionaire, commented, “Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one-yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown.”
Another person who knew a thing or two about the requirements of being successful, Thomas Edison, wrote, “Many of life’s failures are men (sic) who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
You are mere inches from the riches of the rewards of your efforts to improve yourself and achieve everything you want in your life! Yes, you are. Take one more swing of the pick, strike once more with the force of commitment, the eagerness of positive expectation and the conviction of belief. What will be revealed will stun you – and propel you well beyond the best you've ever done.
I've been rehearsing for a Christams dinner theater for our church. The theme is a "Country Christmas" and involves country music and cowboy/cowgirl costumes. I was presented with a brand new western style snap-button shirt at our last gathering. The director handed it to me and said, "Here, try this on for size."
It fit perfectly. I thought it would but I really couldn't say for sure until I actually tried it on – to see if the size was right (or, perhaps, if I was the right size to fill it out). Whenever you have an idea that you think might be a good one, try it on for size by generating a list (it doesn't have to be a long list) of what you can do with that idea to make it happen. Then prioritize each item on your list and begin with the top one and see if it "fits."
Some ideas fit like an old shoe or a comfortable jacket – others are stiff and not very pliable. But until you "try it on for size" you won't know with any certainty. It is indeed a shame for an idea not to come to fruition simply because you thought is might be too big for you. Try it on for size! You'll find that most of your ideas will fit you perfectly.
Whenever I hear this phrase uttered, I think not of radical railing against the "establishment" but of what people with power actually look like. People with power are people with poise, purpose and peacefulness. When you possess power, you know it; and you also know how to use it, for that is the prerequisite of power – being the one in the room who knows what to do . . . next.
Power originates in perception and manifests itself within the individual. In other words, when you know what needs to be done for the benefit of others and are committed to getting it done, you are perceived to be powerful by others and are then able to empower them to help you accomplish that goal.
We all need power to get what we want for ourselves. We also need power to give what we want to others. Power is experienced when you know what you want to both give and receive and when you know that what you want is worthy of your better Self.
"Power to the people" is really power through a person to the people. Are you that person in your world?
The last three lines are for you to fill in what you know you have personal choice over that are not mentioned in this list. Every choice you have means that the world is yours: you can make it what you want and get from it what you desire – depending on the kinds of choices you make. Choose wisely, choose well.
Here’s a great story to put us all in our proper place.
Tom Selleck, star of Magnum P.I ., a 1990’s television show that was filmed in Hawaii, relates the following incident. “Whenever I get full of myself, I remember the nice, elderly couple who approached me with a camera on a street in Honolulu one day. When I struck a pose for them, the man said, ‘No, no – we want you to take a picture of US.’”
Who’s the star of your show? Be sure to point your camera in the right direction by focusing on your customers by proactively providing them with useful and practical information about your company and its personnel, your industry and the long-term value you bring to loyal customers. When you make your customers the stars of your show, they will make you a star in their economic universe.
The same holds true for your relationships with your family, friends and colleagues. When you treat them as stars, their shine will light up your world.
A young boy found a cocoon. Each day, he held it up to the light to admire his discovery.
One day, a small opening appeared in the wall of the cocoon. He watched the tiny creature within struggle for hours to force its body through the tiny hole. Then it seemed to stop trying. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could go.
So the boy decided to help. He took a pair of scissors and opened the hole so that the butterfly could come out more easily. It quickly emerged. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The boy expected the butterfly to take flight at any moment. The longer he watched, the more he realized that the swollen body with shriveled wings would never fly. It was too bloated and weak, spending its pitiful existence floundering on the ground until it soon died exhausted from trying to start living.
What the boy did not realize was what the butterfly actually needed. It needed to struggle to emerge from its confinement because that is the way the fluids of its body are extended to its newly formed wings so it can fly as soon as it frees itself.
Although we may fear encountering them and believe that to have them is to admit weakness, struggles are not the true problems we face in our lives. To the contrary, they are very often the means of our freedom from that which seeks to cast our souls, minds and spirits into melancholic bondage and dispirited living.
The true problems we have are those that are caused by our insistence that we have no problems in our lives, and, if we do, that the solutions be quickly and easily found. When we attempt to circumvent the demanding (and sometimes longer-than-desired) process of honestly dealing with our difficulties, we wind up demeaning the significance of any resolution to those difficulties that eventually may ensue.
Struggling is something you must do in your own time, in your own way and for your own reasons. Always remember that to avoid struggle is to shun victory. There is a time to struggle and a time to let it go and assess the degree of victory your struggling has yielded. When struggling defines your daily living, you’ve lost the meaning of why you’re struggling in the first place. Struggles result in peacefulness or they simply serve to exacerbate existing despair.
When next you find yourself struggling with something in your life, know that it is a process at the end of which is a victory of unimagined proportions and benefits. In other words, “this, too, shall pass” – and it will pass into a state of being that now knows how to fly beyond it’s present state of spiritual and mental confinement. At the end of your struggles await peacefulness and wholeness – the home of your better Self.
Note well: the end of your struggle happens only when you realize that you no longer need to struggle to be your better Self. This, indeed, is good news!
My wife and I have been married almost seventeen years. It seems a much shorter amount of time. It’s been a good time even though times haven’t always been good.
We wrote our own vows, as many do. Even if you used the traditional vows from your religious organization, I’ll bet it has been quite some time since you have re-read them, even if you’ve only been married a short while.
Vows are considered sacred and solemn because they are promises made to another to be a certain kind of person who strives to serve the other in ways that help him/her become his/her better Self. As such, they are freely chosen boundaries within which we pledge to direct our personal growth in tandem with the other.
We live within boundaries. Other-imposed boundaries, like the laws of the land, are often non-negotiable and are established ostensibly to provide for the common good and welfare of all inhabitants. Other “other-imposed” boundaries include, depending on your spiritual perspective, the universal moral law of humanity given by the deity. This, too, can be considered non-negotiable, albeit debatable as to its true meaning and impact on human behavior.
The laws of nature, of course, are non-negotiable with absolute certainty because we have no choice regarding whether or not we abide by them. We cannot choose to exclude ourselves from the law of gravity, or chemistry or the time-space relationship that constitutes the backdrop of any personally-perceived reality.
But the height of freedom, maturity and successful living is to choose your own personal boundaries within which you will direct your thinking and behavior. This is a requirement of human life, whether consciously exercised or not. You may choose wisely or witlessly.
However, choices need to be made. If not done intentionally and with careful and honest deliberation, the necessary realm of self-imposed boundaries will be filled with boundaries imposed by others. More often than not, these boundaries are merely manifestations of their own desires in their relationship with you. Trying to live within the confines of others’ selfish expectations means that you will live as if you were someone other than yourself. This is not your better Self. It is, rather, a “second self” that experiences life more as a spectator than as an actor.
Outside those that are non-negotiable, you must choose those boundaries that define and declare your character or they will be chosen for you. You have the power to channel your energy and focus your personal resources in ways that will manifest your worthy aspirations. If you don’t choose your own boundaries, you will never realize what you most ardently desire.
The vows that my wife and I exchanged are unique in the words we chose to use; but, like your own vows, I believe they express the universal intention to be bounded in certain ways that would build each other up and bring out each other’s better Selves as we journey together through life.
I came across our vows recently as I was cleaning out a “storage” room in our house. As I read them again, I measured my seventeen year performance against those words of promise made long ago. How have I done at living up to them? Have I remained true to both the letter and the spirit of their expression? Has the reality of our lives together fleshed out the intention of the language?
I must say that we have done pretty well. However, by reviewing our vows I have silently, yet firmly renewed them in my conscious efforts to make them even more real and meaningful in our on-going relationship. The distance between promise and reality is as close as the beneficial boundaries you set for yourself that help you choose daily to live by the promises you make.
Here’s our vows. I hope when you revisit yours you will find that you have chosen well both the words and the boundaries that provide the means to make them a living reality within your marriage.
I, Ken/Mary, take you, Mary/Ken, to be my wife/husband
To love with the power of life God has given me.
This day I give you all that I am and all that I will be.
I will help you become what you feel God wants you to be.
I will encourage you to grow and to learn in all you do.
I will be patient and gentile;
I will be honest and trusting;
I will seek to understand you;
I will listen to you because I believe I can learn from you.
No longer will we face life separately, but together.
In our marriage, I will strive to grow in my love for you.
In the name of Jesus.
God is my witness.
In my recent book, “Your Better Self: A Simple Guide to Where You Want to Be,”I cite Benjamin Franklin’s 13 Virtues as being an excellent beginning for your journey toward manifesting your worthy aspirations and becoming your better Self. I’d like to share now Ben’s friend, Thomas Jefferson’s, 10 Rules that helped guide him to the astounding achievements credited to him.
Let me know if you think there is value to how he lived his life. Do you think you can benefit from organizing your life around the following?
1. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
2. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself.
3. Never spend money before you have earned it.
4. Never buy what you don’t want because it is cheap.
5. Pride costs more than hunger, thirst and cold.
6. We seldom repent of having eaten too little.
7. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.
8. How must pain the evils cost us that never happened.
9. Take things always by the smooth handle.
10. When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, count a hundred.
Each week, especially Mondays, brings with it a slew of emotions accumulated from all the weeks and Mondays in the past.
Mondays are usually greeted, if not with a sense of downright dread, then with a less than enthusiastic attitude and a low-grade anxiety. It’s like going through a briar patch – as you travel through it, more and more burrs from the branches stick to your clothing. As you accumulate more “attachments” (physical, mental and emotional) as you go through life, the spiritual speed with which you travel decreases and the goals you set for yourself begin to loom loftier and soon appear to be bigger than your ability – and now your desire – to achieve them.
Monday is your cue to start fresh by casting off your psychological anchors that are weighing you down and holding you back from achieving your worthy aspirations. Every Monday, begin the week with these words: “If it is to be it is up to me.” Sound familiar? Hackneyed? Stale? Only if you’ve never tried it.
